Anger is the wind that blows out the light of reason. Like love, anger is one of our strongest emotions. There are two different types of anger. The first is a righteous anger that we see examples of in the Bible when judgment and justice were passed against sinful people. It says in Numbers 14:18 “The LORD is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.” I often wondered about this verse until I became a parent. Your children will not only learn your good habits and teaching, they will learn all your bad habits and weak character traits too if you are not careful. You condemn your children to the sins you have if you do not do something about them. If parents smoke there is a lot higher percentage of chance that the children will smoke too, than if they grow up in a smokeless home. If parents or other family members swear, use drugs, get involved with pornography, are abusive, have anger issues, etc. there is more of a chance that the children will follow in the parents footsteps than if they did not grow up around these things. These families will continue to suffer until someone has the faith and strength enough to break the chain and break free of the sins that continues to punish the family.
Anger is one of those emotions we can’t avoid but it is up to us to control. Anger is good when it gives us a call to action against injustice, but if we let it control us then it take on a very destructive and sinful form. This is the second type of anger: Anger that is a destructive parasite.
The Bible tells us that we should not let our anger get the better of us when we see the injustice and evil succeed around us. Instead it tells us to trust in the Lord and let Him take care of it. In Psalm 37:7-9 it says, “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.” I hold tightly to this verse when people wrong me or others and they seem to get away from it. I know that God has so much love for us and only wants the best for us, but I also know that I would never want to make Him angry with me. Psalm 86:15 says, “But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” He is slow to anger but He does not hold back forever. He will deal with the sinful that do not repent and turn from their wicked ways. Isaiah 13:13 says, “Therefore I will make the heavens tremble; and the earth will shake from its place at the wrath of the LORD Almighty, in the day of his burning anger.”
The one thing I have discovered is that the second type of anger is a parasite that preys on its host. It is an emotion that can’t exist by itself. Matter of fact, it often masks or hides other emotions. You might see someone getting angry because they are jealous. Jealousy is the cause and anger is the effect. Someone can get angry at their spouse. Why? There are several reasons: They are selfish and did not get things their own way, because their love was hurt from betrayal or broken trust, because hurt feelings were never dealt with, etc. Anger is a reaction to things that happen to us. Uncontrolled anger is a parasite that continues to feed off its host, getting stronger and stronger building grudges and making us bitter unless it is discovered and removed.
We should strive to be like our Lord as it says in Psalm 145:8, “The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.” It is impossible to expect anyone never to get angry, it is not impossible to learn how to control it so that it does not control you. There are all too many ways that we see anger free to run in this world today: Road rage, divorce, domestic violence, swearing, and the “I’ll screw them before they can screw me attitude”.
The Bible addresses this type of anger several times. James 1:19-21 says, “dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.” Ephesians 4:25- 27 says, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” When we allow our anger to fester and feed on us we are giving Satan a weakness to exploit and prey on. If we confront our anger and deal with it then it can not control us. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” This tell us that not only do we need to be responsible for controlling our own anger but that we should also help others control their anger too by not inciting more. When someone is showing the signs of loosing control your calm demeanor can go a long way to keeping the hot water from hitting the boiling point. We are also warned in Proverbs that we should not be friends with those that have anger management problems. Proverbs 22:24-25 says, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.” Lynch mobs and crowd violence are good examples of this. A few in anger stir up trouble until emotions are high and things get out of control.
Here are some suggestions to deal with your anger:
1. Take care of problems when they are small. Don’t allow them to fester and get the better of you. Don’t allow others to push your buttons. When you do that you loose control and give it to them.
2. If you are really angry about something don’t try to handle it in that frame of mind. Walk away and give yourself time to calm down first. Remember hurtful words said in anger can never be taken back.
3. Make sure you understand why you are angry. Is your anger masking another problem that is not being dealt with? If you have a real anger problems these issues that you mask with anger may go all the way back to your childhood. You may need to seek counseling to find out what childhood issues prevent you from expressing you anger appropriately. These might include fears, abuse, denial, etc.
4. You need to forgive and move on with your life. One of the best ways to relieve ourselves from stress and anger is to forgive someone. When you do not forgive someone you are hurting yourself more than you could ever hurt the other person. If you are dealing with anger issues it may be because you are still harboring your inability to show forgiveness and only feel bitterness against someone. If you are doing this you maybe punishing others with your anger because you refuse to forgive someone that has made you bitter and move on. If you are feeling guilty about something the person you may need to forgive is yourself. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” You need to take these issues to God in prayer. In prayer turn your bitterness and pain over to Him to heal and ask Him for the courage to forgive the person or people that wronged you. When you have done that then leave it with Him and focus on today and your future. Anger lives strong in our hearts when it has good hooks planted in the past. Remove the hooks and it has no hold.
5. Find appropriate ways to express your anger and ways to keep it from boiling over. For me prayer is the only sure fire answer. Listening to relaxing music to keep you calm on your drive home, to take your mind off traffic, might be an answer if you tend to get road rage. Keep a journal or write a letter. Sometimes it is just a need to vent our frustrations or express our hurt and pain that can help us control our anger. We may never even need to give the letter to the other person, but it can sure feel good getting it out. Exercise is also a great way to deal with anger. When we exercise our body releases endorphins which makes us feel better and will help reduce our stress levels too. Things like alcohol, drugs, overeating, etc. are all things that are escape tools that do not solve the problem they only mask it further and make it worse. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”
Anger is a parasite that will continue to feed off of us until it show on us physically, mentally, and emotionally. This can show physically as: high blood pressure, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, trembling, constipation, sleep problems, contracted pupils, impotence, and more. Mentally and emotionally it can show itself as: Criticism, irritation, hated, silence, passive aggressive or aggressive behavior, resentment, bitterness, envy, jealousy, vengeful, insecurity, poor self-esteem, being judgmental of others, condemning, anxiety, apathy, depression, vindictiveness, malaise, and more.
Let us live by love not anger. If you have anger issues you are dealing with you can’t be focused on God’s will for your life. If you are dealing with anger issues give them over to God. Strive to live as the Lord is described in Psalm 145:8 “The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.” If you have wronged someone with your anger, ask them and God to forgive you. Jeremiah 10:23-24 says, “I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps. Correct me, LORD, but only with justice— not in your anger, lest you reduce me to nothing." God will show His love and mercy if we repent and ask for forgiveness. When He forgives us that is it. We are forgiven and we need to put it behind us and focus on what will honor and glorify Him. Nahum 1:3 says, "The LORD is slow to anger and great in power; the LORD will not leave the guilty unpunished. His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and clouds are the dust of his feet." Why should you harbor your anger and bitterness when God can and will deal with your issues so much better. Forgive the person, free yourself from your parasite, and move on with your life in a way that honors and glorifies God. Let God deal with the guilty as the Bible tells us He will do.
Anger and forgiveness are for you to control. No one can do it for you. That does not mean you don’t have help. God will give you the strength to deal with it if you let Him. Pray and He will help you.
FaithfulToOne©2007
